Most relationship struggles don’t begin with incompatibility.
They begin with self-abandonment.
Many couples enter relationships hoping love will repair what they haven’t yet faced: loneliness, insecurity, unfinished healing, or the pressure to be “enough.”
That expectation quietly shapes how love is given and received.
This is the transition from Frustrated Love to Fantasy Love, when desire for connection is real, but readiness is still forming.
Wholeness vs. Expectation in Love
When we bring wholeness into a relationship, love becomes a choice.
When we bring expectation, love becomes a transaction.
Expectation sounds like:
- “They should make me feel secure.”
- “If they loved me, this wouldn’t bother me.”
- “Once I’m in a relationship, I’ll finally feel whole.”
Wholeness sounds like:
- “I know who I am and what I need.”
- “I can communicate my needs without disappearing.”
- “I’m responsible for my emotional health.”
Fantasy Love isn’t foolish—it’s hopeful. But without self-awareness, hope turns into pressure, and pressure erodes connection.
Self-Abandonment vs. Self-Awareness
Self-abandonment happens when we:
- Silence our needs to keep the peace
- Overextend to earn love
- Ignore discomfort to avoid being alone
Self-awareness happens when we:
- Notice our emotional patterns
- Name our needs without apology
- Stay connected to ourselves while connecting with others
Healthy love requires two whole people, not two people hoping to complete each other.
Why Confidence Creates Safety
Confidence in relationships isn’t arrogance.
It’s emotional steadiness.
When you trust yourself:
- You don’t need constant reassurance
- You can tolerate discomfort without shutting down
- You communicate instead of testing
That steadiness creates safety; not just for you, but for your partner. Love feels lighter when no one is carrying responsibility for another person’s identity or worth.
A Moment of Reflection
Before moving forward, pause and consider:
Where do I still expect love to fix something I haven’t faced?
Awareness doesn’t judge, it clarifies.
Practicing Love with Intention
This is the work of Love Literacy: learning how to stay connected to yourself while building connection with another. It’s the difference between longing for love and being ready to practice it.
Our book, Love Literacy, helps individuals and couples identify where they are in their love practice and what skills are needed next.
👉🏾 Learn more about the book: https://wlwdynamically.com/book/
For those ready to move from awareness to practice, the Love Leader™ Membership offers guidance, structure, and real-time support to reduce the learning curve.
👉🏾 Join the Love Leader™ Membership: https://loveleader.lovable.app/
Healthy relationships aren’t built by losing yourself in love.
They’re built by people who choose to know themselves first.